AAn American comedian living in Scotland, I was often asked: “Krystal, why haven’t you talked to Trump on stage? I guess that topic is Rife for comedy!” Yesterday he was in Washington, now the schedule said Scotland. I know this visit is not a personal attack on me, but woo boy, it definitely feels like it. I live in Edinburgh. But I didn’t go to Scotland so I could be around the most annoying, relentless, rich Americans who exist.
There are many factors that I am not likely to talk about Donald Trump’s many on stage. For one, the 10 to 20 seconds in the morning before I remember who occupied the position of the president of the United States was honestly the best part of my day. And some important moments that I was not there for me in the next four days, because Trump’s presence aura would answer my consciousness, not to mention all the major outlets of the news, with all that gives their powerful opinions this year managed to eradicate humanity than anyone of all of our collective memories of living. And whatever, he didn’t seem to care.
But it’s sure feeling Like he wants Scotland to love him, doesn’t he? He really wanted to embrace as Scottish. Her mother was born in Isle of Lewis, so I thought it was something.
But the truth is, he is like any other American who goes to Scotland on holiday. I like to ask American tourists what brings them to Scotland, because they always say the same thing. “Well, actually you see … I Scottish. And I keep track of my roots. “And I always tell them:” Wow. You should definitely tell every Scottish person you encounter that. Watch out, because you will be very popular. “
If I had to look upside down on Trump’s visit, and there wasn’t much, I would say somehow I looked good in comparison. This is the same reason I like having English people in Scottish gigs. Sometimes I dated a scotland who told me: “Don’t worry Krystal, I hate the English way than I hate Americans.” What a full sweetheart.
And the thing is, as long as I hate to admit it, I know where Trump came from when he expresses a small need for Scotland to accept him. Because I feel the same way. I love Scotland. I have kids here (and not only because it’s free and I can’t pass a deal). I always live here. I just know it. I haven’t lived anywhere longer than I live in Scotland. I have a lot common in the many Scots I’ve encountered. I have been drinking so much for the rest of my life and for some reason, I still can’t handle my wine. I bought strange little flat barbecues and burn a hole in the grass right under the “no barbecuing” sign. I accidentally said “aye” without being careful more than once.
Why don’t I talk about Trump in my comedy? In fact, I lived here for a long time that I knew about Nicola Sturgeon and the remake of balloons than any of Trump’s daily blunders.
So he’s here, and almost everyone I said I was writing this article I warned that maybe I was going to monitor and wear some scary government lists, threatening comedians and writers who were lying as they were trying to enter the US for saying unwanted things about Trump. I think we’ll just see how it goes.
It’s hard to put in words the way I really visit, but I know who can. Nine years ago, during another visit by Trump, the late comedian Janey Godley knew exactly what to do. A woman’s protest, with a very sworn sign that clarified her completely disdain for the president. Humor and rebellion. Mutiny. His act of disobedience went all over the world.
At Trump in Scotland, on his golf course in Turnberry, Godley knew that long, flowery language was not necessary. No opinion pieces of 1,000-word. (Although he can break those.)
President of MR, you probably don’t know who Janey Godley is. Which is one of the many reasons you will never, ever be Scottish. But he created beautiful four swearing words that say exactly what he thought of you. He expresses a perfect, slippery prose of how many of us feel in the brain of our bones. I don’t quote him directly, of course, but we all know.
I’m sure you’ll enjoy your time here, protected by the Scottish and security police. Playing golf and talking to other powerful men. Enjoying delicious water in Scottish faucet. And allowed you to do that, I guess. But we don’t have to like it.
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Krystal Evans is an American comedian who lives in Scotland. His latest show, a star burns, is at Edinburgh Festival Finge 2025
